This text is partly an outlet for my gallows humor, even though every word of it is one hundred percent true. After all, it’s been almost twenty years since my last “near-death incident,” and over the years I’ve become considerably more careful in everyday life. At some point, you simply accept the fact that you’re not immortal.
This happened the first time I visited Thailand. It was the spring of 1990, and I had just turned nineteen. One evening, my brother and I were sitting at a small restaurant on the island of Koh Samet when I felt the need to find the nearest restroom.
The toilet was located outside the restaurant, and since it was pitch black outside, I didn’t see the open well in the ground right in front of me. Suddenly the ground disappeared beneath my feet and I fell straight down. Luckily, I managed to throw my arms out at the very last second, leaving me hanging there with my head just above the opening.
I screamed for help, and the restaurant staff came running and managed to pull me up. Back then I only weighed a little over sixty kilos, which was probably one of the reasons things ended as well as they did. How deep the well actually was, and how much water was down there, I’m happily unaware of.
Lesson learned: Watch where you’re going when it’s dark outside. There may be holes, snakes, scorpions, and other unpleasant surprises. A “bonus incident” happened many years later when our dog Pandi and I were out walking here on Koh Samui. We both almost stepped right onto a huge python. Damn, did we run — both the dog and I.
Image: One of my first swims in the ocean at Lamai Beach on Koh Samui, back in 1990. Photographer: Tom Weegar
This happened around 1992 in Lamai on Koh Samui. My girlfriend at the time and I were staying in a simple bungalow that cost 100 baht a night, right next to the beach. One day I was out for a walk when I suddenly heard a massive thud just a few meters behind me. The ground almost shook — or at least that’s what it felt like.
It turned out to be a large coconut that had fallen from a tall palm tree exactly where I had just walked past. Coconuts can weigh several kilos, and if it had hit me in the head, it probably wouldn’t have ended well. It genuinely could have been the last thing that ever happened to me.
Nowadays, most resorts are careful to remove coconuts from palm trees to reduce the risk of guests or staff getting injured. I’ve read that around 150 people worldwide die each year from falling coconuts. Whether that number is actually true, I don’t know — but I wouldn’t be surprised.
Lesson learned: These days I avoid walking under coconut palms whenever I can. Better safe than sorry, as they say.
Image: A pile of coconuts from a plantation on Koh Phangan. Photographer: Jens
This happened in northern Koh Samui around 2006, and in this case the fault was entirely my own. A friend and I were on our way to a resort because we were meeting the owners, who needed a new website. I remember being stressed and distracted as I crossed the island’s main road to get to the resort entrance.
That’s when I heard the deafening sound of screeching brakes. A truck driver had been forced to slam on the brakes to avoid mowing down the idiot farang standing in front of him. In all likelihood, he saved my life that day.
Lesson learned: Thai traffic is intense, and accidents are unfortunately part of everyday life. Always be careful — whether you’re a pedestrian or the one behind the wheel.
